Nothing to be done?
Aug. 4th, 2005 09:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sobriqueIs there something you can do, when you see a friend making a mistake?
I'm not talking about the 'making a wrong turning' on a journey kind of mistake, but more the kind of 'sort it out, or you've just screwed up your life' sort of mistake?
I've always held that you can't stop someone making their own mistakes. If you try, then you just build their resentment, since unwanted advice is often unwelcome. Especially when it's about one's failings.
However, it's never so hard to do that as when it's not so much that you _think_ there'll be a problem as you're pretty damn certain there will. And you know it, and they know it, and you can see that they're denying it to themselves.
Or is there a better route? How would you deal with such a situation? Is it easier or harder to let them fall? And if you stop them falling, what incentive do they have to avoid it happening again?
I'm not talking about the 'making a wrong turning' on a journey kind of mistake, but more the kind of 'sort it out, or you've just screwed up your life' sort of mistake?
I've always held that you can't stop someone making their own mistakes. If you try, then you just build their resentment, since unwanted advice is often unwelcome. Especially when it's about one's failings.
However, it's never so hard to do that as when it's not so much that you _think_ there'll be a problem as you're pretty damn certain there will. And you know it, and they know it, and you can see that they're denying it to themselves.
Or is there a better route? How would you deal with such a situation? Is it easier or harder to let them fall? And if you stop them falling, what incentive do they have to avoid it happening again?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 10:38 am (UTC)You can't stop someone doing what they want to. The only time you _may_ be able to is if you're imposing discipline on your children, or a boss intending to sack employees. But at the end of the day, that still require that they adhere to your will, and acknowledge your authority.
That doesn't mean it's easy, when you can see the road they're walking, because you've been that way yourself. And you know how much it'll hurt, but everything you say to try and convince them of this just leads to ... worsening the situation. Driving a schism at a time when that's the last thing you need.