Nothing to be done?

[sobrique]

Is there something you can do, when you see a friend making a mistake?
I'm not talking about the 'making a wrong turning' on a journey kind of mistake, but more the kind of 'sort it out, or you've just screwed up your life' sort of mistake?

I've always held that you can't stop someone making their own mistakes. If you try, then you just build their resentment, since unwanted advice is often unwelcome. Especially when it's about one's failings.

However, it's never so hard to do that as when it's not so much that you _think_ there'll be a problem as you're pretty damn certain there will. And you know it, and they know it, and you can see that they're denying it to themselves.

Or is there a better route? How would you deal with such a situation? Is it easier or harder to let them fall? And if you stop them falling, what incentive do they have to avoid it happening again?

Comments

[zaitan.livejournal.com]

Dependant on who it was I would try one of a few angles.

If it was a very good friend, or someone I respected I would try and have the "serious talk" thing. Making it clear from the outset that I not telling them what to do, but making sure that they are fully aware of the consequences. The chat would include all the angles and possible outcomes.

If it were an acquaintance, then it can get slightly easier. Especially if you do not know the whole situation, as it allows you put in the proper reactions if you can get them to talk to you about the matter. This can end up at the serious chat thing as above, except in this one the disclaimer needs to be woven in partway through the conversation.

If, after all your best efforts, they still seem intent on self destruction then there is not much you can do. If I were in this situation I would feel worse for not trying. If, however, they had been a serious twat to me in the past then I would not even try. But that is just me being bitter and evil.

[sobrique.livejournal.com]

Oh agreed, it's a lot easier when it's someone who it's no skin off your nose if they decide they hate you.