Shattered worldview

[sobrique]

As you meet new people, you gradually come to realise, that there's some you just don't get along with. In some cases, the reason for this is obvious. In others, it can be less so.

I still don't entirely understand how this happens. I fully accept that not everyone sees the world quite the same way, and I'm more than happy to agree to disagree on a subject. But is it possible that the way someone sees things is just fundamentally incompatible?

Getting to know and understand people, starts with a common ground, and grows from mutual and disparate interests. But sometimes, it seems that the common ground to build on is very shakey indeed.

How much tolerance is a person automatically entitled to? The sensible people will simply avoid those that wind them up, simply because getting in fights daily is just no fun at all. But sometimes the situation is forced, either through work, or some other obligation. At which point you have to decide whether this interaction is worth the effort, or not.

It can be an unpleasant choice to make. And much easier rationalised by "they're just an arsehole". I've caught myself doing it.

I don't know. I find common ground with a lot of people, but I still find it hard dealing with some. Does mental illness/trauma come in to it, or is there some angle I'm missing, with the people who seem very effective at annoying multiple others?

Comments

[mcnazgul.livejournal.com]

Yes, that common ground can be tenuous. It's why people can be very careful with things if a relationship is fragile, especially as words arequick to launch and difficult to recall . Difference of values and the resulting misunderstandings have generated entire libraries.

Generally speaking if you don't like them, you do so for a reason. You do get 'skincrawl' and 'hackleraising' - this may be caused by a resemblance to someone you've known before/ strongly disagree with or subconscious cues/bad chemistry. This can be just as bad the other way (if you spark with someone you shouldn't). Note, adjust and limit contact accordingly.

If this reason is the same for all the people involved either i) someone is stirring or ii) they've managed to do it to all the people independently.
It's rare that someone honks a bunch of people off for different reasons, especially if they know each other.

Fortunately ii) can be solved by the simple expedience of explaining it to the offending party tactfully and without judgement. Harder than said and achievable. i) is trickier because you have to a) find out who was primarily honked off and b) whether the others are justified in that view.

Be very careful when ascribing mental illness to people; it's more common than many give credit for. Mental trauma is even more prevalent and unless the individual in question indicates they are willing (and OK) with talking about it don't even try unless you're absolutely sure of what will happen.

How much tolerance are people entitled to? As much as you're willing to give - you decide when enough is enough. You are personally responsible for your responses and attitudes in any relationship. How's that for courage?!