sobrique | What your shopping says about you.

I've just been to Tescos.
I bought 4 posh noodles, 3 bottles of Riesling, and a sandwich.
The person on the checkout gave me a really rather funny look. I could almost see the cogs whirring of 'hmm, what's _his_ game'.
Trust me, they all do it - I know, I've been there.
It's the old game of guessing things based on what they bought.

Things like: 12 pack of lager, large packet of crisps, and a 3 deck of condoms, means that they're going to a party, and hoping to 'score'. Oh, but they'll never just put the condoms on the conveyor belt. No, they'll be craftily hidden behind something else. As if somehow, by not being able to see them until it's time to scan, the checkout staff will fail to notice what they're buying.

Couple of sandwiches and a drink: Oppressed corporate slave on a lunch break.

If you see 'sweets' in a shopping trolly, they're _always_ in multiples of the numbers of children they have. Usually just 1 per child, so 3 cadbury's creme eggs means 3 children. (Sometimes you have 'numbers of children, x days in the week for packed lunches).

You also tend to see things like chips, fishfingers and 'low maintenance foods' when the shopper is buying for children.

If these things are absent, but you have a trolly load of 'nice' foods (fresh meat, vegetables etc.) it's typically shopping for a couple, and it's also almost invariabley 'her' doing the shopping. You do sometimes see a reversal about Feb 14th though...

More booze than food (but including 'meal' food like pasta, rice etc.) typically means student. especially when the 'meals' are staple foods rather than anything that'll require real work. Although can apply to 'single professionals' if the total bill for a week's stuff is more than about £20.

Large selection of 'red stickers' - they're bargain hunting, and usually a 'new couple' or an 'elderly couple'

The one thing you _almost never see_ though, is a bloke buying tampons or panty liners. Lots of other stuff, and you can make your guesses about their lifestyle.

But you see, I've only ever once spotted a single bloke doing this. His wife was 'immobile' due to a broken ankle. Now there's some that don't like buying these things just because they 'feel uncomfortable' - in much the same way as popping into the chemists, and buying condoms from a pretty lass behind the counter.

But the fundamental problem is there's just such a huge selection, and us blokes just ain't equipped to understand. I mean, you've tampons and liners by a wide range of manufacturers, and they all come in a variety of shapes, sizes, geometries and in 'lightweight' and 'heavy duty' variants.

I appreciate that they're catering to 50% of the population, but without specific 'make and model' instructions, a bloke just gets confused. And then, of course, the _specific_ make and model he was sent for will be out of stock, and that's when things go wrong.

This poor bloke approached me, because I was the only male on the checkouts. And he wanted my opinion on what 'sort' of tampax his wife'd be likely to want. I really had no clue, and was completely flummoxed by the question. But we just had a bit of a conspiratorial sort of chat in the corner of the supermarket, where I offered that whilst I had no idea, I'd be prepared to let him use the staff phone so he could ring up and 'check'.

Another satisfied customer ;p

Sometimes, I'll just add something to my shopping a little unusual, _just because_ I know it'll be freaking out the checkout staff.

I'm easily amused I know ;p