What your shopping says about you.
Sep. 10th, 2004 01:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sobriqueI've just been to Tescos.
I bought 4 posh noodles, 3 bottles of Riesling, and a sandwich.
The person on the checkout gave me a really rather funny look. I could almost see the cogs whirring of 'hmm, what's _his_ game'.
Trust me, they all do it - I know, I've been there.
It's the old game of guessing things based on what they bought.
Things like: 12 pack of lager, large packet of crisps, and a 3 deck of condoms, means that they're going to a party, and hoping to 'score'. Oh, but they'll never just put the condoms on the conveyor belt. No, they'll be craftily hidden behind something else. As if somehow, by not being able to see them until it's time to scan, the checkout staff will fail to notice what they're buying.
Couple of sandwiches and a drink: Oppressed corporate slave on a lunch break.
If you see 'sweets' in a shopping trolly, they're _always_ in multiples of the numbers of children they have. Usually just 1 per child, so 3 cadbury's creme eggs means 3 children. (Sometimes you have 'numbers of children, x days in the week for packed lunches).
You also tend to see things like chips, fishfingers and 'low maintenance foods' when the shopper is buying for children.
If these things are absent, but you have a trolly load of 'nice' foods (fresh meat, vegetables etc.) it's typically shopping for a couple, and it's also almost invariabley 'her' doing the shopping. You do sometimes see a reversal about Feb 14th though...
More booze than food (but including 'meal' food like pasta, rice etc.) typically means student. especially when the 'meals' are staple foods rather than anything that'll require real work. Although can apply to 'single professionals' if the total bill for a week's stuff is more than about £20.
Large selection of 'red stickers' - they're bargain hunting, and usually a 'new couple' or an 'elderly couple'
The one thing you _almost never see_ though, is a bloke buying tampons or panty liners. Lots of other stuff, and you can make your guesses about their lifestyle.
But you see, I've only ever once spotted a single bloke doing this. His wife was 'immobile' due to a broken ankle. Now there's some that don't like buying these things just because they 'feel uncomfortable' - in much the same way as popping into the chemists, and buying condoms from a pretty lass behind the counter.
But the fundamental problem is there's just such a huge selection, and us blokes just ain't equipped to understand. I mean, you've tampons and liners by a wide range of manufacturers, and they all come in a variety of shapes, sizes, geometries and in 'lightweight' and 'heavy duty' variants.
I appreciate that they're catering to 50% of the population, but without specific 'make and model' instructions, a bloke just gets confused. And then, of course, the _specific_ make and model he was sent for will be out of stock, and that's when things go wrong.
This poor bloke approached me, because I was the only male on the checkouts. And he wanted my opinion on what 'sort' of tampax his wife'd be likely to want. I really had no clue, and was completely flummoxed by the question. But we just had a bit of a conspiratorial sort of chat in the corner of the supermarket, where I offered that whilst I had no idea, I'd be prepared to let him use the staff phone so he could ring up and 'check'.
Another satisfied customer ;p
Sometimes, I'll just add something to my shopping a little unusual, _just because_ I know it'll be freaking out the checkout staff.
I'm easily amused I know ;p
I bought 4 posh noodles, 3 bottles of Riesling, and a sandwich.
The person on the checkout gave me a really rather funny look. I could almost see the cogs whirring of 'hmm, what's _his_ game'.
Trust me, they all do it - I know, I've been there.
It's the old game of guessing things based on what they bought.
Things like: 12 pack of lager, large packet of crisps, and a 3 deck of condoms, means that they're going to a party, and hoping to 'score'. Oh, but they'll never just put the condoms on the conveyor belt. No, they'll be craftily hidden behind something else. As if somehow, by not being able to see them until it's time to scan, the checkout staff will fail to notice what they're buying.
Couple of sandwiches and a drink: Oppressed corporate slave on a lunch break.
If you see 'sweets' in a shopping trolly, they're _always_ in multiples of the numbers of children they have. Usually just 1 per child, so 3 cadbury's creme eggs means 3 children. (Sometimes you have 'numbers of children, x days in the week for packed lunches).
You also tend to see things like chips, fishfingers and 'low maintenance foods' when the shopper is buying for children.
If these things are absent, but you have a trolly load of 'nice' foods (fresh meat, vegetables etc.) it's typically shopping for a couple, and it's also almost invariabley 'her' doing the shopping. You do sometimes see a reversal about Feb 14th though...
More booze than food (but including 'meal' food like pasta, rice etc.) typically means student. especially when the 'meals' are staple foods rather than anything that'll require real work. Although can apply to 'single professionals' if the total bill for a week's stuff is more than about £20.
Large selection of 'red stickers' - they're bargain hunting, and usually a 'new couple' or an 'elderly couple'
The one thing you _almost never see_ though, is a bloke buying tampons or panty liners. Lots of other stuff, and you can make your guesses about their lifestyle.
But you see, I've only ever once spotted a single bloke doing this. His wife was 'immobile' due to a broken ankle. Now there's some that don't like buying these things just because they 'feel uncomfortable' - in much the same way as popping into the chemists, and buying condoms from a pretty lass behind the counter.
But the fundamental problem is there's just such a huge selection, and us blokes just ain't equipped to understand. I mean, you've tampons and liners by a wide range of manufacturers, and they all come in a variety of shapes, sizes, geometries and in 'lightweight' and 'heavy duty' variants.
I appreciate that they're catering to 50% of the population, but without specific 'make and model' instructions, a bloke just gets confused. And then, of course, the _specific_ make and model he was sent for will be out of stock, and that's when things go wrong.
This poor bloke approached me, because I was the only male on the checkouts. And he wanted my opinion on what 'sort' of tampax his wife'd be likely to want. I really had no clue, and was completely flummoxed by the question. But we just had a bit of a conspiratorial sort of chat in the corner of the supermarket, where I offered that whilst I had no idea, I'd be prepared to let him use the staff phone so he could ring up and 'check'.
Another satisfied customer ;p
Sometimes, I'll just add something to my shopping a little unusual, _just because_ I know it'll be freaking out the checkout staff.
I'm easily amused I know ;p
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no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 05:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 05:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 06:04 am (UTC)Menstural products
Sanitary towels/pads/napkins (the last if you're American) come in:
Normal
Super
Night time (being longer and thicker than super)
You then get the choice of
Wings
No wings ('wings' being little bits that go over the sides of your underwear to protect that bit).
And also the choice of
Normal thickness
Ultrathin
Depending upon how heavy someone is she'll probably wear 'super' for the beginning (it tends to start off heavy and then slow down) and move on to 'normal' for the end. The first few nights she'll wear night time ones, then probably super ones for the rest. Other people with lighter flows never need anything thicker than super even at night and may use panty liners for some of the days. Panty liners are very thin/small pads.
Wings/no wings + normal/ultrathin are very much down to personal preference. If you want individually wrapped pads then they tend to be the ultrathin ones. Individually wrapped ones are useful for taking to work.
Oh and you also get pads designed for use with thongs - only buy these if the woman you're buying for tends to wear thongs.
Tampons come in
Junior/Light
Regular
Super
Night time
and come as:
Applicator/non applicator
The absorbancy is lowest in the junior ones and highest in the night time. Tampons have been associated with toxic shock syndrome and it's therefore important to not use a higher absorbancy than necessary. If someone wears them all the time then she'll need the same variety of thicknesses as she would with pads.
Applicators are pieces of cardboard fitted to the tampon to help insert it - most women will have strong preferences about whether they prefer applicator/non applicator. To put it bluntly I prefer non applicator because my fingers are much softer than a piece of cardboard, but other people prefer having the applicator so they don't have to use their fingers. Buying an applicator tampon is the best way to go - 'cos if the individual doesn't want to use the applicator she can remove it before inserting it.
Some tampons come in lubricant - don't buy these unless specifically told to, 'cos they're more expensive.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 06:12 am (UTC)Man Manual
Sex Manual
no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 06:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 07:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 06:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 07:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 07:18 am (UTC)Do Haynes still write car manuals?
no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 07:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 06:42 am (UTC)I mean, there's the old adage of buy bras one size too large, and knickers one size too small. (I think ;p).
But how'd you tell with a tampon? :-D
no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 07:00 am (UTC)The old adage is bullshit. If you buy bras one size too large, knickers one size too small, then keep the receipt because neither of those are the blindest bit of use and she'll need to take them back and get them exchanged for ones she can actually wear.
With tampons - there's this magic thing called looking in the bathroom cabinet to see what kind they are.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 07:39 am (UTC)The idea of that adage is that if you're going to get it wrong (which you probably are anyway, for the reason you mentioned) then you might as well do so in the most flattering way possible.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 07:14 am (UTC)Knickers are generally stretchy enough that if you're out by a size you're OK, but really buy the size that fits because that'll be the most comfortable.
Good alternatives to actual underwear are camisole tops/shorts or flowing slips etc - here buy to fit the largest measurement eg. if she's a size 14 for tops and 16 for bottoms, you're probably going to want the 16 (unless it's really wide and flowing).
With tampons/pads - most women will use a variety - so buy a pack of super and a pack of normal and a pack of nighttime. They keep - even if she doesn't use it immediately, it'll do for next time.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-10 07:40 am (UTC)