Rate my Rant

[sobrique]

Every now and then, you get someone launching into a rant on LJ. I've done it a few times my self.
However, I feel that it's Important to start scoring all these potential works of art. These screams of passion into the void that is the internet.
And so, I'm looking for 'categories' for scoring rants.
Currently I'm thinking:
Subject material
Vehemence
Eloquence
and of course, Artistic impression.

Can anyone thing of additional critera on which to 'judge' a rant?

Perhaps 'use of expletives' (in a 'if you use them, use them appropriately, and to punctuate a point' kind of way, rather than using them as punctuation.

Erm...
Ideally points out of 100, but ...

Any further thoughts for scoring categories?

Comments

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Inventive use of metaphor, although this may come under `eloquence'.

[elrohana.livejournal.com]

use of sarcasm, wit, irony, comedy - all the sense of humour stuff that stops it sounding like you've disappeared up your own bottom

Use of interesting examples to illustrate your point

[jorune.livejournal.com]

I'm not entirely convinced by Vehemence, doing a comment in Caps is not usually a good thing.

I would say another consideration is Personal Relevance. How much does the rant chime with you.

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

While the two often come hand-in-hand, vehemence does not have to be inextricably linked to formatting, you know ;)

[wolflady26.livejournal.com]

I'd add something for staying relevant. Many times, rants wander off topic with the "and ANOTHER thing!" syndrome.

Good debate technique would be another category. It's related to eloquence, but different. You can be eloquent and still have logical flaws.

I think you should start a community to rate rants :D

[deathboy.livejournal.com]

Lucidity, entertainment value, offensiveness, perhaps? :)

(or, for mine, the aggregate measure: Alcohol Content.)

[xarrion.livejournal.com]

My favourite rant ranking category hasn't been mentioned yet, so I'll throw it into the mix.

'obviousness of hidden agenda'

[mcnazgul.livejournal.com]

Rants should IMHO be rated on:

Originality of invective - Compare the two examples below.

A. (subject) is an idiot. Obvious, redundant, next!
B. (subject) is a coprophiliac shaved chimp who needs 50,000 volts to their parietal lobe. Medical, animal and describes what should be done. Better!

Over-exuberant Indignation - Compare:-

A. That idiot cut me up the other day.
B. That spawny-eyed carcass of a chav bastard! He should be drowned in rancid camel semen then minced and fed to his bitch mother in a kebab for cutting me up like that...

Composition, meter/rhythm and pacing. Compare:-

A. (subject) wouldn't know their arse from their elbow.
B. (subject) wouldn't know their derringer from their derriere.

Bonus points for: Shakespearean references, acidity, blatant vulgarity, intonation (one darkly-muttered 'fuckwit' is worth three lines of flowing prose if said the right way), causing genital withdrawal, Cleese-ian levels of sarcasm, ethnic insults (Arabic, Italian and Irish insults are things of beauty), preventing any kind of comeback and withering politeness.