Bins, Egotism and Mysteries.
Feb. 10th, 2004 12:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sobriqueThis morning, I had the joy of being caught behind a bin lorry.
On a one way street.
Which has cars on either side.
I have trouble believing there can be that many bins on a short bit of street that
has maybe 10 houses each side.
I think those bin bastards were deliberately holding me up. Like the way they 'skip' bin collecting sometimes. You know, either avoid the entire street, or just 'miss' a few bins that might be a little further back on the kerb.
After waiting about 10 minutes for them to move, I gave up, and reversed. Which is
a bit rude, but I didn't really want to be late for work because of some arsehole blocking the road.
The though occurs, that writing an LJ requires a certain measure of egotism. I mean, I've tried doing a diary in the past. It always fizzles, because I can't be bothered. With LJ, I've been writing it regularly, and fairly verbosely.
I think there's a certain weight of arrogance there. I share my thoughts with whoever cares to read them. But really, only because I like to think that someone actually can be bothered to do so. I mean, if I didn't want someone to read them, well, that'd be posting as private, or just not bothering with LJ at all.
I'm an egotistical sort of person. I firmly believe that I'm great. OK, there's some stuff that I don't do well, and some stuff that isn't quite perfect. But overall, deep down, I'm satisfied to be who I am. There's a few things I might change. I drink too much. I'm somewhat overweight (which I'm working on, and making progress). I'm also arrogant, at times abrasive, and loud.
But that's ok, cos no one's perfect, right? The ultimate mistake is in lying to yourself. Telling stories, or even outright lies to others, well, that's not so bad. After all, reality is just a matter of point of view anyway.
But if you lie to yourself about why you are the way you are, then you're just building castles in the sand. A facade is not a foundation on which to build upon.
So when you see something that you want to buy, and tell yourself that 'it'll save you money in the long run' or 'my other one is wearing out, and I need reliability'. Don't do that. If you want to buy a toy, go and do so. If you want to tell others that you had a different motivation, then fine. But never rationalise the decision to yourself. That is always a mistake. It's the little lie, that grows, and you find yourself 'rationalising' all the unpleasant things, like why you don't ring someone up, or why you don't go looking for a job, or why you don't move out.
I've done all the above, in the past. I make excuses for things, that when examined fall apart as feeble and pathetic.
I've put off phoning someone, because it's going to be an awkward conversation. Or because I'm just a bit introverted and don't like talking to people I don't know. And so I make an excuse 'oh I'll ring them tomorrow', 'it's a bit late, so I'll leave it'. I'm learning to recognise when I do that now. OK, so I still might not ring them, but at least I'm admitting to myself that that is the reason why, and not some spurious excuse.
There's nothing wrong with procrastinating (at least, to a point). Just always keep it in focus, that that's what you're doing. If you make excuses, then you'll just find more excuses next time the task comes up.
I've been looking for jobs, and finding excuses why I don't want to. Cut away from excuses why not, and look at the reality. I find that there's a few 'valid' reasons when looking at jobs. Things like 'better the devil you know' and 'Alstom don't require on call'. But the major stumbling point is that I just don't want to change. I've got my inertia. I've got 'comfy' where I am. And it's something I need to deal with, and decide whether that's ok. Don't get me wrong, it's no bad thing to be comfortable and secure. At some level, all of us desire it. But at the same time, don't lose sight of the end game. Where do you want to be in 40 years? What about 10? How about in 5? How does this fit with the way you're playing the game of life?
It's easy to do, and even easier to continue. You build up this false view of your life, and are happy and cozy with it. And you find, that 10 years have gone past, you're still comfy but you've never really gone anywhere.
Sound familiar? Maybe not 10 years, maybe it's only just a few. I've been at Alstom nearly 3 years now. And I'm thinking I need to develop. I've got some interesting stuff up and coming, and maybe that'll fulfill the need for another year. Then again, maybe I can develop more and better by shifting. The price may be moving away from the people I know, and have the trouble of getting to know new people. For some, this is easy. For me, I'm introverted somewhat. My Keirsey personality test (incidentally, I'm an INFP - Idealist Healer) tells me so. I certainly find it easier to be verbose and open when I'm not in front of someone, especially someone I don't know.
So my promise to myself is this. No more lies. I'll be honest with myself, about my motives, emotions and desires.
And so, unfold a new path through life.
whew, that was a rant wasn't it? Went off on a bit of a tangent from what I intended.
And to digress slightly:
What value would you put on a mystery? Is a puzzle, or a problem something that you like? Is there satisfaction in the solution? I'm realising that the thing I enjoy _most_ about the job I do, is 'problem solving'. Every day, there's something that needs figuring out. The most efficient way of performing a task. What's the most cost effective method of providing a service. Why is something not working right.
It's great. There's an exhilarating rush in knowing that you've understood, that you've figured it out. That's what makes what I do something that I can see as a long term career.
And a question for today:
[Poll #246444]
On a one way street.
Which has cars on either side.
I have trouble believing there can be that many bins on a short bit of street that
has maybe 10 houses each side.
I think those bin bastards were deliberately holding me up. Like the way they 'skip' bin collecting sometimes. You know, either avoid the entire street, or just 'miss' a few bins that might be a little further back on the kerb.
After waiting about 10 minutes for them to move, I gave up, and reversed. Which is
a bit rude, but I didn't really want to be late for work because of some arsehole blocking the road.
The though occurs, that writing an LJ requires a certain measure of egotism. I mean, I've tried doing a diary in the past. It always fizzles, because I can't be bothered. With LJ, I've been writing it regularly, and fairly verbosely.
I think there's a certain weight of arrogance there. I share my thoughts with whoever cares to read them. But really, only because I like to think that someone actually can be bothered to do so. I mean, if I didn't want someone to read them, well, that'd be posting as private, or just not bothering with LJ at all.
I'm an egotistical sort of person. I firmly believe that I'm great. OK, there's some stuff that I don't do well, and some stuff that isn't quite perfect. But overall, deep down, I'm satisfied to be who I am. There's a few things I might change. I drink too much. I'm somewhat overweight (which I'm working on, and making progress). I'm also arrogant, at times abrasive, and loud.
But that's ok, cos no one's perfect, right? The ultimate mistake is in lying to yourself. Telling stories, or even outright lies to others, well, that's not so bad. After all, reality is just a matter of point of view anyway.
But if you lie to yourself about why you are the way you are, then you're just building castles in the sand. A facade is not a foundation on which to build upon.
So when you see something that you want to buy, and tell yourself that 'it'll save you money in the long run' or 'my other one is wearing out, and I need reliability'. Don't do that. If you want to buy a toy, go and do so. If you want to tell others that you had a different motivation, then fine. But never rationalise the decision to yourself. That is always a mistake. It's the little lie, that grows, and you find yourself 'rationalising' all the unpleasant things, like why you don't ring someone up, or why you don't go looking for a job, or why you don't move out.
I've done all the above, in the past. I make excuses for things, that when examined fall apart as feeble and pathetic.
I've put off phoning someone, because it's going to be an awkward conversation. Or because I'm just a bit introverted and don't like talking to people I don't know. And so I make an excuse 'oh I'll ring them tomorrow', 'it's a bit late, so I'll leave it'. I'm learning to recognise when I do that now. OK, so I still might not ring them, but at least I'm admitting to myself that that is the reason why, and not some spurious excuse.
There's nothing wrong with procrastinating (at least, to a point). Just always keep it in focus, that that's what you're doing. If you make excuses, then you'll just find more excuses next time the task comes up.
I've been looking for jobs, and finding excuses why I don't want to. Cut away from excuses why not, and look at the reality. I find that there's a few 'valid' reasons when looking at jobs. Things like 'better the devil you know' and 'Alstom don't require on call'. But the major stumbling point is that I just don't want to change. I've got my inertia. I've got 'comfy' where I am. And it's something I need to deal with, and decide whether that's ok. Don't get me wrong, it's no bad thing to be comfortable and secure. At some level, all of us desire it. But at the same time, don't lose sight of the end game. Where do you want to be in 40 years? What about 10? How about in 5? How does this fit with the way you're playing the game of life?
It's easy to do, and even easier to continue. You build up this false view of your life, and are happy and cozy with it. And you find, that 10 years have gone past, you're still comfy but you've never really gone anywhere.
Sound familiar? Maybe not 10 years, maybe it's only just a few. I've been at Alstom nearly 3 years now. And I'm thinking I need to develop. I've got some interesting stuff up and coming, and maybe that'll fulfill the need for another year. Then again, maybe I can develop more and better by shifting. The price may be moving away from the people I know, and have the trouble of getting to know new people. For some, this is easy. For me, I'm introverted somewhat. My Keirsey personality test (incidentally, I'm an INFP - Idealist Healer) tells me so. I certainly find it easier to be verbose and open when I'm not in front of someone, especially someone I don't know.
So my promise to myself is this. No more lies. I'll be honest with myself, about my motives, emotions and desires.
And so, unfold a new path through life.
whew, that was a rant wasn't it? Went off on a bit of a tangent from what I intended.
And to digress slightly:
What value would you put on a mystery? Is a puzzle, or a problem something that you like? Is there satisfaction in the solution? I'm realising that the thing I enjoy _most_ about the job I do, is 'problem solving'. Every day, there's something that needs figuring out. The most efficient way of performing a task. What's the most cost effective method of providing a service. Why is something not working right.
It's great. There's an exhilarating rush in knowing that you've understood, that you've figured it out. That's what makes what I do something that I can see as a long term career.
And a question for today:
[Poll #246444]
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-10 04:39 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-10 08:57 am (UTC)