Accidents

Well, it seems a post I made from my PDA didn't make it as far as my journal.
So here's the rough summary.

Monday morning, on the way to work, at 08:25, I was travelling along the Fosse Way, between the A46 and Lawford road.
There's a narrow bridge that you can get two cars under if you breath in.
Someone was going to go under the bridge, saw something coming the other way and stood on the brakes.
I also stood on my brakes, went into a skid, and could probably make up some excuse or reason as to what happened, but I just can't remember much beyond thinking 'shit, I'm not going to stop in time'. And skidded into the back of her car.
Not particularly amazing speed, but enough to put a dent in her rear end.
Her car is now a write off. It was a P reg renault laguna, and the dent was in the left hand side rear. I think it's because it was a hatchback.
My car (as confirmed by the garage) is almost un-scratched. The plastic grill at the front is a bit cracked. And that was all _they_ could see. Well, apart from where a little dirt had been scuffed.

Sigh. This is going to hurt my insurance premiums.

I have to say though, I'm impressed with direct line. I've got a letter from them saying 'it's all our problem. Please direct any communication towards us. Let us know if you want to hear any more about the incident'.

I could add a few excuses here, but I'm not going to. I'm feeling a little annoyed because I think that I could/should have avoided the accident. If I'd kept my head and fixed the skid, I could have swerved or stopped in time.
I'm also feeling a little concerned at how much damage that's going to do to my insurance premium.

There's not a lot to be done either way though, apart from just get on with it.
It has left me feeling a little mopey though.

Accidents and Official Secrets

I guess it'll come as no surprise to some that I had a prang. (Incidentally, I love that word. Bang with a metallic ting to it). For what it's worth, I've done 50k miles, and have spend many, many hours on the road. And I lost it, and ... well the rest is history.

There's none so blind as one that will not see.

Looking back (oh hindsight is clear) I can see that I've had several warnings. Moments when I've thought 'that was close' or have noticed a skid and dealt with it.
And I told myself 'I can deal with it'.

I like driving. It's fun. It's Freedom. Sometimes putting the boot down and giving it some is a very exhilerating rush.

I guess now I'm wrong. I can't deal with it. So far, I've got away with my driving style. 50k miles is good odds right? Well, no. Because there's no guarantee that next time it won't be worse. It won't be a car that I run into, it'll be a person, or it'll be a collision in the middle of the M6 that causes 10 cars to pile up and several fatalities.

I do still enjoy driving. I intend to continue to do so. But I think I'll see about bookin' some track time and a skid pan course.

I've been intentionally blind, and despite saying that one shouldn't lie to oneself, well, I have. Maybe I'll be generous and say that I didn't realise. But that's really no better.

I can continue to lie to myself, or I can wake up and start paying attention. I think I'll aim for the latter.

Anyhow.

The current stir in the news is Clare Short and the Official Secrets act. I remember thinking, yesterday morning, when I heard her say "Oh I've seen transcripts of conversations with the Secretary General of the UN" that it'd be firestorm.

Silly cow. Either it's true, and she's just broken the Official Secrets act (Which is no minor matter. That sort of thing gets real serious). Or it's a lie, in which case she's just a lying weasel who's shit-stirring and needs a good kicking.

I'm not surprised to find that the UN gets bugged. Government's spy on each other? Surely not!
International treaties aside - they're just tools for playing politics anyway - I'm _glad_ my government bugs, spys and gathers intelligence however they can.
It's one of the tenets of warfare that it's not about armour, firepower or manpower. It's about information and logistics. OK, so it's not a war. Because that's a 'legal definition'. But it _is_ a war. We're competing with all the other nations of the world. From some angles, it pays to work together. From others, it does not. But either way, we need the information.

Motivations and happiness.

On a roll today. Catching up for the rest of the week at a guess :)

How do you feel?

Seriously.

Every word you speak, every choice you make, every thought that crosses your mind changes who you are.
Some are trivial, some are important.
And there's often no clear lines of right or wrong.

I've recently had to make a big decision for my life. (Choosing a job).
I think the most important thing I realised because of it is this:
It's not what you do, or say, or think. It's why.

Hate, Fear, Revenge, Anger. Chap named Yoda identified these as 'Dark Side' emotions.
The context was that a Jedi who used them for force powers, would turn evil.

Now that's a small snippet of Star Wars. The context is wider though. If you think something, or do something, or say something, out of anger, contempt, revenge or a whole host of other emotions, then you are lessened.

If you think with compassion, joy or love, then any action, even the same one as might have been done with anger, makes you more than you were.

I'm far from a religious sort, but perhaps that's a measure of 'soul'. It grows with each second we feel love. It shrinks with every negative thought.

Hate is a blinding emotion. Hatred obscures the world and distorts things. If you walk around angry, then you will see your emotions reflected. Everyone seems as fools, when you aren't prepared to share your understanding.

Conversely, compassion is not. It's an understanding emotion. No one is ever perfect. But look with the eyes of compassion, and maybe you'll realise that there is value and beauty in all things. In understanding there is wisdom. In caring there is harmony.

Today I am not the same person I was a month ago. I think I like the change.